Sea of Senses

6 large booming drums appear. Panic begins to enshroud her little body at the sight of them. The first loud, thunderous boom begins. Her small head buries itself into my lap, hands cover her ears. The thunder continues. Clapping of sticks. Loud booms. Her body shakes with sobbing, everything within her wants the noise to stop. She wants the vibrations to stop. I try to comfort her, knowing the drums will end just as abruptly as they began. Then silence. Relief washes over this little girl. She wipes away the tears, grateful the nightmare of the drums has ended.


The struggle does not end there. The crowd keeps closing in on her. People stepping over her, again and again. Someone bumps into her. Someone pokes into her. More people keep stepping over her, filling in the few spots that had no one there, making the crowd feel like an even bigger wave of people on all sides, ready to engulf her. Over and over this happens. She is now so squished she cannot even sit criss cross. Strange and strong smells of foreign food permeate the air. Not too long ago this little girl would have been crying hysterically, feeling trapped within the crowd, begging to get out and away from it all. She is strong today in self control. There are moments where she is about to succumb to the anxiety, but she regains her composure and enjoys watching the ballerinas dance across the stage.

We leave the sea of people, breathing in the relief of the cool outdoor air. We find our spots for the best view of what is next…only to be once, again, bombarded by people pushing and shoving their way in. Sticky mostly eaten cotton candy almost hitting her face. More people bumping into her. Standing in general is hard to do when it is difficult to balance. It’s even harder when people are pushing into you. Now brother is pushing back from the other side. The frustration and anxiety is starting to overwhelm her once again. She puts her red envelope out for the lion to eat. The lion does not take it. She has now had enough and all the emotions she was holding in come rushing out like a raging river. Stares and dirty looks from those who do not understand.
This is just a small glimpse into a day in the life of a person with SPD.