Reflections of Me

Isn't it amazing how easily we can lose ourselves in the daily grind of our lives? I think this especially applies to moms. I look backwards into time and wonder where did that person I once knew so well disappear to? The girl who prided herself on individuality and uniqueness, parading around in knee high combat boots, who immersed herself into creating music and invested in sketching art, relishing in the freedom felt from every depth of her soul when in that moment of joyful creation. Those moments made my soul sing.

My soul now sings when I watch my children achieve success after the challenges of failure. My soul now sings when I feel their sweet arms hugging me tight. My soul now sings when I watch my children's moments of joy and hear their melodic laughter flowing outwards into the world.

Yet my soul yearns for more. It yearns to be engulfed in the creative process once again. My soul yearns for others to recognize that aloofness is not a badge of superiority, but a defense mechanism in a seemingly hostile and judgmental world.

Life is full of struggles, many we wish would never have visited us, some perhaps saved us from ourselves. Many say these struggles make us stronger, that they exist to teach ourselves lessons that need to be learned. Others may seem to be disconnected, existing with no apparent purpose other than to unfairly cut deep into our souls. Life is an ongoing process in a sea of experiences that perhaps one day we will look back upon and understand the full picture.

But how do we find our voice within the drowning rush of waves that knock us to and fro, the distractions and setbacks of life? I suppose we keep swimming, find dry land and follow the passions of our heart and soul(of course within a moral context), giving ourselves permission to allow our hearts to sing once more.

Every human has challenges and struggles, What defines us as an individual is how we weather the storm. We may fall far or fail miserably, but we must stand again, even if it is to have another wave knock us beneath the water once more. if we are fortunate, perhaps a friend will catch our our hands and help us swim to shore.

For me, I need to let go of my fear of rejection and failure, pushing aside perceived judgments of others and find joy in the every day moments of life that already pass too quickly by.

I am Mother, one of the most important jobs in the world, but I am more than that. I am a friend, a sister, a daughter, a wife as well, but I am also a soul that finds joy in the small moments of life - in the sunrise that appears as a mural painted in the sky, at the wonders of the tiny ant who is stunningly brilliant in his methodical engineering. I am a soul whose emotions are moved deeply at the sound of a violin and set free when my lips create music upon my flute or my fingers experiment with the sounds on the piano. I am a soul that finds freedom in the movements of charcoal pencils and the feel of paint upon my fingers. I am a person who feels things deeply and will not apologize to others who have ridiculed me for doing so. I see beyond the layers of human existence and overanalyze everything. I am far from perfect. I have known sorrow and I have known joy. My naturally quiet nature has been misunderstood. I march to the beat of my own drum. Others can accept it or leave it, many have done the latter based on superficial initial judgements. I am who am I am.

I choose to listen to my voice again and allow my soul to sing.