Healing, peace, and happiness. Are these not the things that most are searching for? So often we drift through life searching for these things. Some try to find peace and happiness through tangible, material objects, grasping at trying to keep up with the Joneses, thinking if we were just like them, had all the things they have, that somehow happiness will be found, only in the long run to realize that they have been grasping at sand and left with bills to show, and discover that the Joneses down the street were not really that happy after all. It is easy to hide behind the mask of materialism.
Some grasp at their fading beauty, defined by advertisers and Hollywood. Others seek love and peace through failed relationships, desperately trying to fill a void within. Still others may bully their way through life, trying unsuccessfully to make themselves feel bigger and better.
The reality is that no matter how hard we try, no matter how far we run, no matter how much we spend, how much we deny, we cannot escape ourselves. We cannot escape our past, we cannot escape our failures, we cannot escape the wrongs that have been done to us. We cannot escape missed opportunities or lost loves. Nor can we change some defining factors, such as a death of a loved one, a family member with a chronic illness or a child with special needs. It is all apart of our unique experience in this life.
Life keeps moving forward. We are then standing at a crossroad where we can decide to move with life or keep standing still, which is really moving backwards, or, continue to battle the things we cannot change.
Perhaps the key to finding peace is to find acceptance in some of the fixed things that are out of our power to change. That is not to say we do not do all that we can to ensure a chronically ill child, for example, finds relief or that we do not fight for a cure and fight to make sure the doctors are listening, but to accept some things are out of our power to FIX.
We can choose to reject what advertisers claim beauty is, and reclaim the beauty in ourselves, treating our bodies kindly and healthy, and let the light within shine through.
We can choose to stop comparing ourselves to the people around us and stop placing value on the amount of things we have. We can choose to see the humanity in each other, and choose to see the value in ourselves.
In addition to acceptance, perhaps also the road to peace within includes letting go. Oh how we humans like to hold on to past hurts, regrets, etc. How are we to continue walking down this road of life, carrying a heavy load of past burdens, adding daily to this baggage? That is a pretty tough thing to do, especially when climbing through the valleys and mountains of life. So maybe we need to look deep within, acknowledge what it is that has weighed us down, take a deep breath, and simply.....accept it and let it go. Learn from it. Change what we can in the future. Forgive ourselves, forgive others...even if they are not repentant. I realize this is not an easy feat. It is a process, a process I am still trying to accept and implement myself.
Life is too short to allow ourselves to be hung up on so many things. Life is too short to keep degrading our value as a person by comparing ourself to society's misguided standards. Life is too short to allow fear to stand in the way of our dreams.
We must embrace life, the good and the bad.
Life most certainly is a journey.....make the most of it while you can.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Reflections of Me
Isn't it amazing how easily we can lose ourselves in the daily grind of our lives? I think this especially applies to moms. I look backwards into time and wonder where did that person I once knew so well disappear to? The girl who prided herself on individuality and uniqueness, parading around in knee high combat boots, who immersed herself into creating music and invested in sketching art, relishing in the freedom felt from every depth of her soul when in that moment of joyful creation. Those moments made my soul sing.
My soul now sings when I watch my children achieve success after the challenges of failure. My soul now sings when I feel their sweet arms hugging me tight. My soul now sings when I watch my children's moments of joy and hear their melodic laughter flowing outwards into the world.
Yet my soul yearns for more. It yearns to be engulfed in the creative process once again. My soul yearns for others to recognize that aloofness is not a badge of superiority, but a defense mechanism in a seemingly hostile and judgmental world.
Life is full of struggles, many we wish would never have visited us, some perhaps saved us from ourselves. Many say these struggles make us stronger, that they exist to teach ourselves lessons that need to be learned. Others may seem to be disconnected, existing with no apparent purpose other than to unfairly cut deep into our souls. Life is an ongoing process in a sea of experiences that perhaps one day we will look back upon and understand the full picture.
But how do we find our voice within the drowning rush of waves that knock us to and fro, the distractions and setbacks of life? I suppose we keep swimming, find dry land and follow the passions of our heart and soul(of course within a moral context), giving ourselves permission to allow our hearts to sing once more.
Every human has challenges and struggles, What defines us as an individual is how we weather the storm. We may fall far or fail miserably, but we must stand again, even if it is to have another wave knock us beneath the water once more. if we are fortunate, perhaps a friend will catch our our hands and help us swim to shore.
For me, I need to let go of my fear of rejection and failure, pushing aside perceived judgments of others and find joy in the every day moments of life that already pass too quickly by.
I am Mother, one of the most important jobs in the world, but I am more than that. I am a friend, a sister, a daughter, a wife as well, but I am also a soul that finds joy in the small moments of life - in the sunrise that appears as a mural painted in the sky, at the wonders of the tiny ant who is stunningly brilliant in his methodical engineering. I am a soul whose emotions are moved deeply at the sound of a violin and set free when my lips create music upon my flute or my fingers experiment with the sounds on the piano. I am a soul that finds freedom in the movements of charcoal pencils and the feel of paint upon my fingers. I am a person who feels things deeply and will not apologize to others who have ridiculed me for doing so. I see beyond the layers of human existence and overanalyze everything. I am far from perfect. I have known sorrow and I have known joy. My naturally quiet nature has been misunderstood. I march to the beat of my own drum. Others can accept it or leave it, many have done the latter based on superficial initial judgements. I am who am I am.
I choose to listen to my voice again and allow my soul to sing.
My soul now sings when I watch my children achieve success after the challenges of failure. My soul now sings when I feel their sweet arms hugging me tight. My soul now sings when I watch my children's moments of joy and hear their melodic laughter flowing outwards into the world.
Yet my soul yearns for more. It yearns to be engulfed in the creative process once again. My soul yearns for others to recognize that aloofness is not a badge of superiority, but a defense mechanism in a seemingly hostile and judgmental world.
Life is full of struggles, many we wish would never have visited us, some perhaps saved us from ourselves. Many say these struggles make us stronger, that they exist to teach ourselves lessons that need to be learned. Others may seem to be disconnected, existing with no apparent purpose other than to unfairly cut deep into our souls. Life is an ongoing process in a sea of experiences that perhaps one day we will look back upon and understand the full picture.
But how do we find our voice within the drowning rush of waves that knock us to and fro, the distractions and setbacks of life? I suppose we keep swimming, find dry land and follow the passions of our heart and soul(of course within a moral context), giving ourselves permission to allow our hearts to sing once more.
Every human has challenges and struggles, What defines us as an individual is how we weather the storm. We may fall far or fail miserably, but we must stand again, even if it is to have another wave knock us beneath the water once more. if we are fortunate, perhaps a friend will catch our our hands and help us swim to shore.
For me, I need to let go of my fear of rejection and failure, pushing aside perceived judgments of others and find joy in the every day moments of life that already pass too quickly by.
I am Mother, one of the most important jobs in the world, but I am more than that. I am a friend, a sister, a daughter, a wife as well, but I am also a soul that finds joy in the small moments of life - in the sunrise that appears as a mural painted in the sky, at the wonders of the tiny ant who is stunningly brilliant in his methodical engineering. I am a soul whose emotions are moved deeply at the sound of a violin and set free when my lips create music upon my flute or my fingers experiment with the sounds on the piano. I am a soul that finds freedom in the movements of charcoal pencils and the feel of paint upon my fingers. I am a person who feels things deeply and will not apologize to others who have ridiculed me for doing so. I see beyond the layers of human existence and overanalyze everything. I am far from perfect. I have known sorrow and I have known joy. My naturally quiet nature has been misunderstood. I march to the beat of my own drum. Others can accept it or leave it, many have done the latter based on superficial initial judgements. I am who am I am.
I choose to listen to my voice again and allow my soul to sing.
Monday, February 14, 2011
"Little Flower" - St. Therese of Lisieux
“Our Lord does not look so much at the greatness of our actions, nor even at their difficulty, but at the love with which we do them.” – St. Therese of Lisieux
I was recommended a book by a friend called “My Life with the Saints” by James Martin. I have not completed the book yet, but was absolutely fascinated by the chapter on Saint Therese of Lisieux, often called simply “Little Flower”. Up until reading this chapter, I knew very little, if anything, about this woman. However, one thing that struck me was her ability to not only accept, but fulfill serving Christ in the “little things”. This is a similar thought I’ve had bouncing around my own head for quite some time. See, ever since I was in middle school I’ve wanted to be involved in some sort of volunteer work. Over the years when I have tried to join an effort, it seems like the door was slammed shut. This left me on many occasions, very confused and sometimes very sad. I had contemplated that perhaps there is something more I need to develop within myself before pursuing these opportunities. I have contemplated, to my horror, what if I was supposed to try harder and knock on the door again and again until things worked out. However, recently a thought kept coming into my head “Serve God in the little moments, the opportunities that arise that are not organized, not scheduled”. Since it is my nature to argue different perspectives and overanalyze things, I kept thinking back, why not do both? We should do the former anyhow. This has been a personal struggle for me, because I feel like I should be doing so much more.
Then I was reading in the book how St. Therese talked about how not everyone can be a rose, but there is a need for daisies as well. St. Therese wrote "So it is in the world of souls, the living garden of the Lord. It pleases Him to create great saints, who may be compared with lilies or the rose; but He has also created little ones, who must be content to be daisies or violets nestling at His feet to delight His eyes when He should choose to look at them. The happier they are to be as He wills, the more perfect they are."
Not everyone is destined to do great huge things. Perhaps the focus should be on Faith and serving Christ with a loving heart in the seemingly ordinary moments of life. After all, it is about His glory, not our own. It reminds me of how we are called “The Body of Christ”. Each member of the body has different roles to fill. Some have the role of roses and lilles, and some of us are perhaps daisies or wildflowers. Some are the hands and feet, some are the heart, some are the mind, etc. The members come together to work as one, creating a beautiful garden from the fruit of their workings.
It appears to me that St. Therese was all about love and being the heart of “the body”. She loved. She served Christ in all moments with love. A good example for all of us to strive for, I think.
So a lesson and reminder learned – to serve God with a cheerful heart, in even seemingly mudane moments of life. Reach out to our neighbor, even if it seems small or insignificant-that one small action could be huge to that individual. Serve God humbly. Most of all learn to love unconditionally in all moments of life, loving most and foremost our Creator and Savior.
I am looking forward to reading St. Therese’s writings and learning more about her life.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Sea of Senses
The struggle does not end there. The crowd keeps closing in on her. People stepping over her, again and again. Someone bumps into her. Someone pokes into her. More people keep stepping over her, filling in the few spots that had no one there, making the crowd feel like an even bigger wave of people on all sides, ready to engulf her. Over and over this happens. She is now so squished she cannot even sit criss cross. Strange and strong smells of foreign food permeate the air. Not too long ago this little girl would have been crying hysterically, feeling trapped within the crowd, begging to get out and away from it all. She is strong today in self control. There are moments where she is about to succumb to the anxiety, but she regains her composure and enjoys watching the ballerinas dance across the stage.
We leave the sea of people, breathing in the relief of the cool outdoor air. We find our spots for the best view of what is next…only to be once, again, bombarded by people pushing and shoving their way in. Sticky mostly eaten cotton candy almost hitting her face. More people bumping into her. Standing in general is hard to do when it is difficult to balance. It’s even harder when people are pushing into you. Now brother is pushing back from the other side. The frustration and anxiety is starting to overwhelm her once again. She puts her red envelope out for the lion to eat. The lion does not take it. She has now had enough and all the emotions she was holding in come rushing out like a raging river. Stares and dirty looks from those who do not understand.
This is just a small glimpse into a day in the life of a person with SPD.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Perseverence
I know that as parents, one role we have is to be our child's teacher. One thing that I have found rewarding about being a mother is actually the lessons that I learn from my children.
A word that we often use in our house is perseverence. It began when Papaya's Martial Arts teacher used it in class and we carried it into our daily lives.
I saw this word in action during Papaya's Occupational Therapy yesterday. Watching her determination opened my eyes to how strong my child really is. I've always said that when she focuses her stubborn determination in a positive manner, she will move mountains, that is for sure!!
The object was, while riding tummy down on a scooter, to pull herself up a ramp to retrieve a ring. Then she was to let go, sliding backwards on the scooter down the ramp, place the ring on the holder, repeat. In the beginning she was to pull herself up using a rope (she ended up using her hands on the side of the ramp to pull up). This sort of activity is challenging to Papaya, although she would never in a million years admit that. I sat watching her trying again and again to get the scooter over the first bump onto the ramp. She was absolutely determined to do it, and was not going to accept any help. She figured out the trick (really a matter of physics) and was able to complete the task repeatedly. Watching her in action was such a powerful lesson for me though. I could hear her talking herself through it "I can do this, I can do this" which turned into an excited "I did it!!"
As a mom, one of the hardest things is watching your child struggle through anything, whether it is large or small. I do believe that all the struggles and challenges strengthen you as a person. I hope that Papaya learns many valuable lessons through the things in life that are challenging. I hope she truly continues to understand and embrace perseverence - never giving up, but continuing to try her very best, even in those moments she feels like giving up. I hope that she learns that hard work pays off. I hope that she continues to believe in herself and have the confidence to conquer any mountain that comes her way. I hope that her seeing all sorts of unique individuals, all with different stages of ability, that she will have an unconditional love for her neighbor, without judgements, but accepting everyone for the way God made them - and that through her challenges the empathy within her will continue to grow and a deep wisdom will flourish as well.
A word that we often use in our house is perseverence. It began when Papaya's Martial Arts teacher used it in class and we carried it into our daily lives.
I saw this word in action during Papaya's Occupational Therapy yesterday. Watching her determination opened my eyes to how strong my child really is. I've always said that when she focuses her stubborn determination in a positive manner, she will move mountains, that is for sure!!
The object was, while riding tummy down on a scooter, to pull herself up a ramp to retrieve a ring. Then she was to let go, sliding backwards on the scooter down the ramp, place the ring on the holder, repeat. In the beginning she was to pull herself up using a rope (she ended up using her hands on the side of the ramp to pull up). This sort of activity is challenging to Papaya, although she would never in a million years admit that. I sat watching her trying again and again to get the scooter over the first bump onto the ramp. She was absolutely determined to do it, and was not going to accept any help. She figured out the trick (really a matter of physics) and was able to complete the task repeatedly. Watching her in action was such a powerful lesson for me though. I could hear her talking herself through it "I can do this, I can do this" which turned into an excited "I did it!!"
As a mom, one of the hardest things is watching your child struggle through anything, whether it is large or small. I do believe that all the struggles and challenges strengthen you as a person. I hope that Papaya learns many valuable lessons through the things in life that are challenging. I hope she truly continues to understand and embrace perseverence - never giving up, but continuing to try her very best, even in those moments she feels like giving up. I hope that she learns that hard work pays off. I hope that she continues to believe in herself and have the confidence to conquer any mountain that comes her way. I hope that her seeing all sorts of unique individuals, all with different stages of ability, that she will have an unconditional love for her neighbor, without judgements, but accepting everyone for the way God made them - and that through her challenges the empathy within her will continue to grow and a deep wisdom will flourish as well.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Pirates on the Playground
To the regular eye it may have looked like a mere playground, filled with the usual slides and monkey bars, however as Buddy and I stepped foot upon the equipment it became obvious there was more than our eyes thought they saw.
We boarded our boat, careful not to fall into the murky waters below, our bodies swaying with the waves as Buddy quickly drove, honking at all the other boats that were in the way. We were in a hurry, you see, for the mighty pirates were out to steal the treasure, and they knew we were so close to finding this prize first. We crossed over bridges, held tight when the hurricane tried to knock us over, crossed through the spooky forest and were brave together when we entered the cave full of skeletons and ghosts, including THE biggest ghost ever!!
We looked around and realized there were clues for the lost trasure. There were long tracks stretching from the water slide to the boat steps. There were footprints and small objects, clues we needed to solve the mystery. We had to be careful because the pirates were hot on our trail, and we quickly came to realize the black foam pieces scattered all over were really pirate traps. We even got trapped in some, but thank goodness for brave prepared Buddy, who happened to have with him special scissors he used to cut our way to freedom.
It was an exhausting adventure, and we were glad that while digging we found mulch treasure maps that pointed the way to the treasure, inside the car. We made it safely to our last destination, but we did notice the pirates were awfully persistent, having left more traps near the car.
We made it to the safety of the car,finding the treasure and leaving those pesky pirates far behind. I have a feeling we better keep our eyes alert, for you never know when the pirates might come searching for their long lost treasure.....
We boarded our boat, careful not to fall into the murky waters below, our bodies swaying with the waves as Buddy quickly drove, honking at all the other boats that were in the way. We were in a hurry, you see, for the mighty pirates were out to steal the treasure, and they knew we were so close to finding this prize first. We crossed over bridges, held tight when the hurricane tried to knock us over, crossed through the spooky forest and were brave together when we entered the cave full of skeletons and ghosts, including THE biggest ghost ever!!
We looked around and realized there were clues for the lost trasure. There were long tracks stretching from the water slide to the boat steps. There were footprints and small objects, clues we needed to solve the mystery. We had to be careful because the pirates were hot on our trail, and we quickly came to realize the black foam pieces scattered all over were really pirate traps. We even got trapped in some, but thank goodness for brave prepared Buddy, who happened to have with him special scissors he used to cut our way to freedom.
It was an exhausting adventure, and we were glad that while digging we found mulch treasure maps that pointed the way to the treasure, inside the car. We made it safely to our last destination, but we did notice the pirates were awfully persistent, having left more traps near the car.
We made it to the safety of the car,finding the treasure and leaving those pesky pirates far behind. I have a feeling we better keep our eyes alert, for you never know when the pirates might come searching for their long lost treasure.....
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Snake Scales and Lizard Tales
Yesterday we had a great time at our local State Park. They were having a Summer Festival, which included this really cool and interesting Reptile Show by the local "Reptile Wrangler". Wrangler and his son brought several really neat reptiles to the show. They shared many fascinating facts about each one and the kids got to touch most of them.
Here are a few of our favorites we saw:
Iguana
Argentine Tegu
Beautiful King Snake
We had a nice picnic next to the lake, while watching the ducks, paddleboats and fisherman. We were very excited to find a place to take the kids fishing. That is now on our list of things to do!
What a great way to spend our Saturday morning!!
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